So, you would think that being home would be a good thing, which it is, don't get me wrong. I love being with my family and spending time with them, which is much needed, but there is something I have been thinking about within these past couple of days, being by myself at home. And I am glad that God has brought this to my attention. Being home I let my guard down. I feel as if I am more tempted at home than anywhere else. I don't really know why that would be, but it is. As I look back to the times of coming home from college, both the short breaks and long, I become lazy very very quickly. I start to lose the motivation or the desire to read the Bible and spend that time with God. So many more temptations, I would probably fall asleep typing them all out. Anyways.... This break though, my eyes have been opened a little more to those temptations, I now see that they actually are temptations, distractions, that are getting in the way of my relationship with the Lord. Even though I know that I will give into probably many of those temptations and distractions I still have God to lean on and will try to the best of my ability, with the Lords help, to not give in. :)
Which also brings up another thing I have been feeling pretty much this entire break. Guilt. Because I do give in to the things I should not give into, I feel guilty and horrible for the fact that I have and know I will continue to hurt My Heavenly Father. He gave His only son for me and all I can give him is my brokenness. He loves me unconditionally and all I can give him is my conditional love, only to wish it could be as unconditional as His love is for me. I cannot imagine the pain he goes through all of the time! Thinking about how much I hurt when someone betrays me, and then trying to imagine that times infinity! It breaks my heart that I can't stop sinning, causing Him pain. That I killed Jesus. I know that I am forgiven. Which boggles my mind(and I love it!) He saved my life, literally. And I am forever His. And He is forever mine.
Actually the song You Are Mine by Third Day matches how I am feeling perfectly right now!
It doesn't take much for my heart to break
And You have done it
For what seems the millionth time
When ever I hear of your saving grace
And how You gave your life
In exchange for mine
Sometimes I wonder why You even love me
And why You ever chose to call me child
Then I remember
It's by Your sacrifice
I can say that
I am Yours and You are mine
It doesn't take much
For me to shed a tear
And You have done so many things
To make me cry
Whenever I think
Of all that I've done wrong
And everything You have done
To make it right
It doesn't take much
For my heart to break
You have done it
For what seems the millionth time
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
What Was, And Is, And Is To Come
So it being one day after going to the PULSE( Toby Mac and Kutless) concert, I am still soaking up all of what happened. Originally going to this concert I wasn't really expecting to get much out of it minus a good time with some friends and seeing Toby Mac (which was supposed to be an amazing show. And it was). I knew that Nick Hall was going to be speaking, but I thought it was going to be more for the non-believers. Quickly realized I was wrong! The message of course was amazing just for the fact of it being about The Word, but God was definitely not only touching the 1,000 some others in the Alerus center, but myself as well.
At the beginning of the 2009 school year, I was put into the freshmen hall by the school. I was really angery, and if I'm truthfully speaking(writing) then I must add that I looked up and asked God why with that same anger in my voice. I was also once again on the fence with actually being able to go to school this year( did't get enough money from FA, my dad had to cosign a 3,000$ loan and was having (in his mind) "logical" troubles doing so). I didn't find out that I was actually going until the Thrusday before school was to start. When the school year had started, I was actually really busy. Being the treasure for the rugby team, being on the large group team for InterVarsity and starting to learn how to do the media job for Thursday nights, classes, and having two jobs. And from my perspective as of now, the biggest of all the things I had started out with during this school year was getting super involved with the freshmen and because of living in their hall, with in a month, becoming a small group leader for them. Little did I know(before school had started) that God had a different plan for me than I had for myself. Where I was to live and what I was to do. God has been moving so incredibly much within me I still cannot comprehend how much I have changed within 5 months. The point of this paragraph was to reiterate how God has now shown me twice (if not more), my Bethel story and now this years story that He will provide and He will light my path. That the things that I have wanted so badly, were not what God had wanted for me in my life, that those places I wanted to be and the things I wanted to do weren't part of His plan for me. And now that the possiblity of me not being at school for the second half of the year has arised. I am trusting in the Lord that He will take me where He wants me. That I shouldn't want for myself, but I should want to do everything for Him.
This actually also brings up the fact that I have decided to change my major. I was a nursing major, but now have switched to graphic design and ministry. After fall retreat I had been wrestling a lot with if nursing was what God really wanted me to do or if that was just another thing for my own benifit. Well as you can see I realized that the nursing was for my own benifit and wasn't the path God was wanting me to take.
In just a few days I will be heading down to St. Louis for a missions conference called Urbana. I am super pumped for this not only because its going to be the best New Year's celebration I will ever have experienced but because God will move, and He will show me things that I can't even think of or comprehend right now. There will also be over 300 missions organizations there to get information from. Who knows maybe I will end up on the other side of the world this summer.
Now to get back to the night of the concert. Throughout the night God had definitley been right by my side, whispering into my ear that He loves me, and has plans for my future that I have no idea about right now. I had chills through my entire body multiple times that night, and visions for my future and the future of those who God puts in my life, visions that to me as of right now, seem to big to come true. But I will not forget:
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknoledge him, and he will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
" So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shal we wear?' For pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry aobut tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~ Matthew 6:31-34
" I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may be bring glory to the Father. You may ask me anything in my name, and I will do it." ~ John 14:12-14
At the beginning of the 2009 school year, I was put into the freshmen hall by the school. I was really angery, and if I'm truthfully speaking(writing) then I must add that I looked up and asked God why with that same anger in my voice. I was also once again on the fence with actually being able to go to school this year( did't get enough money from FA, my dad had to cosign a 3,000$ loan and was having (in his mind) "logical" troubles doing so). I didn't find out that I was actually going until the Thrusday before school was to start. When the school year had started, I was actually really busy. Being the treasure for the rugby team, being on the large group team for InterVarsity and starting to learn how to do the media job for Thursday nights, classes, and having two jobs. And from my perspective as of now, the biggest of all the things I had started out with during this school year was getting super involved with the freshmen and because of living in their hall, with in a month, becoming a small group leader for them. Little did I know(before school had started) that God had a different plan for me than I had for myself. Where I was to live and what I was to do. God has been moving so incredibly much within me I still cannot comprehend how much I have changed within 5 months. The point of this paragraph was to reiterate how God has now shown me twice (if not more), my Bethel story and now this years story that He will provide and He will light my path. That the things that I have wanted so badly, were not what God had wanted for me in my life, that those places I wanted to be and the things I wanted to do weren't part of His plan for me. And now that the possiblity of me not being at school for the second half of the year has arised. I am trusting in the Lord that He will take me where He wants me. That I shouldn't want for myself, but I should want to do everything for Him.
This actually also brings up the fact that I have decided to change my major. I was a nursing major, but now have switched to graphic design and ministry. After fall retreat I had been wrestling a lot with if nursing was what God really wanted me to do or if that was just another thing for my own benifit. Well as you can see I realized that the nursing was for my own benifit and wasn't the path God was wanting me to take.
In just a few days I will be heading down to St. Louis for a missions conference called Urbana. I am super pumped for this not only because its going to be the best New Year's celebration I will ever have experienced but because God will move, and He will show me things that I can't even think of or comprehend right now. There will also be over 300 missions organizations there to get information from. Who knows maybe I will end up on the other side of the world this summer.
Now to get back to the night of the concert. Throughout the night God had definitley been right by my side, whispering into my ear that He loves me, and has plans for my future that I have no idea about right now. I had chills through my entire body multiple times that night, and visions for my future and the future of those who God puts in my life, visions that to me as of right now, seem to big to come true. But I will not forget:
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknoledge him, and he will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
" So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shal we wear?' For pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry aobut tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~ Matthew 6:31-34
" I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may be bring glory to the Father. You may ask me anything in my name, and I will do it." ~ John 14:12-14
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