So, you would think that being home would be a good thing, which it is, don't get me wrong. I love being with my family and spending time with them, which is much needed, but there is something I have been thinking about within these past couple of days, being by myself at home. And I am glad that God has brought this to my attention. Being home I let my guard down. I feel as if I am more tempted at home than anywhere else. I don't really know why that would be, but it is. As I look back to the times of coming home from college, both the short breaks and long, I become lazy very very quickly. I start to lose the motivation or the desire to read the Bible and spend that time with God. So many more temptations, I would probably fall asleep typing them all out. Anyways.... This break though, my eyes have been opened a little more to those temptations, I now see that they actually are temptations, distractions, that are getting in the way of my relationship with the Lord. Even though I know that I will give into probably many of those temptations and distractions I still have God to lean on and will try to the best of my ability, with the Lords help, to not give in. :)
Which also brings up another thing I have been feeling pretty much this entire break. Guilt. Because I do give in to the things I should not give into, I feel guilty and horrible for the fact that I have and know I will continue to hurt My Heavenly Father. He gave His only son for me and all I can give him is my brokenness. He loves me unconditionally and all I can give him is my conditional love, only to wish it could be as unconditional as His love is for me. I cannot imagine the pain he goes through all of the time! Thinking about how much I hurt when someone betrays me, and then trying to imagine that times infinity! It breaks my heart that I can't stop sinning, causing Him pain. That I killed Jesus. I know that I am forgiven. Which boggles my mind(and I love it!) He saved my life, literally. And I am forever His. And He is forever mine.
Actually the song You Are Mine by Third Day matches how I am feeling perfectly right now!
It doesn't take much for my heart to break
And You have done it
For what seems the millionth time
When ever I hear of your saving grace
And how You gave your life
In exchange for mine
Sometimes I wonder why You even love me
And why You ever chose to call me child
Then I remember
It's by Your sacrifice
I can say that
I am Yours and You are mine
It doesn't take much
For me to shed a tear
And You have done so many things
To make me cry
Whenever I think
Of all that I've done wrong
And everything You have done
To make it right
It doesn't take much
For my heart to break
You have done it
For what seems the millionth time
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I am the same way! When I get home I lose ambition and I think it's because i don't maintain the same christain fellowship and I don't have the accountability. I've found help and encouragement though in making an effort to stay in contact with those who inspire me to pursue the Lord more. Plus the person with whom I developed a wonderful friendship centered in christ, the girl who became my new best friend, who i never met before college, lives 15 mintues away from me =] God gives us wonderful opportunities even when we don't know they exist yet! I realize this post is old but if you're anything like me, this is a struggle that never really goes away, I pray we both find our motivations and strengthen and experience all the love and joy the Lord brings! =D
ReplyDelete:) i saw that there was a comment on this post, so i decided to read the post before the comment, because i had forgotten what i wrote. thanks for the encouragement! i was actually very vauge in this post, but i remember exactlly what struggle i was refuring to. and this last summer God totally healed me in that struggle! :) its crazy to look back and in that realize how much God has grown me. but of course since this post was vauge, it makes sense with any struggle or temptaion.
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